Friday, 6 April 2012
Confessions of a Pastor's Wife: Confession #6
Confession #6: It's super duper hard celebrating when I'm suppose to.
It's Easter weekend. The pivotal weekend of Christianity. Pretty much the whole point of my faith is celebrated this weekend. And I don't feel like it.
I would like to say, "it's because I celebrate it every day" or something more profound, but I can't. I'm human just like everyone else and life smothers me sometimes and I forget to focus on God instead of the budget or what I'm going to make for dinner or if Castle will finally tell Beckett how he feels.
Easter equals one thing in this house. BLACK OUT. It means my husband has to work. There is no time off and no long meal with the family where we all relax and eat too much. What it does equal is me being home, alone, with the kids. All by myself. Poor me.
Okay, it's not that bad. My parents live down the street, my brother and sister-in-law live not too far away, so I have family around. But it's not the same. Not the same as having my husband home.
Excuse me. This is God interrupting this blog. Jordan, I'd like to have a word with you.
Uh...okay. Speak Lord, I'm listening...??
Do you love your husband?
Are you proud of him?
Would you rather he worked somewhere else instead of doing what I called him to do?
No...although he does sometimes...
That's not where I'm taking this.
Okay, now more importantly, do you love me?
Of course I do!
Do you love your son?
Would you like to give your son up and have him die a gruesome death to save mankind?
Is that a trick question?
No, I wouldn't! I don't think I could.
Now how do you feel? Knowing once again that I did that for you? That my son did that for you?
Humbled, grateful, unworthy...there are no proper words to express the gratitude I feel.
Thanks for the reminder.
Anytime. I love you.
I love you too.