Wednesday, 18 April 2012

Confessions of a Pastor's Wife: Confession #8

Confession #8: There's a crack in my shellac.

About six years ago, God reminded me of my passion to write and I've been writing ever since. It's been a rather solitary calling; fitting in writing my novels between kids, job, church and the like. But then I started this blog. I started it because I just wanted something 'out there' that would allow me to practice writing. It's a place I come to, to bring order to my thoughts––I have a lot of those. And, it's a place where I can find something to write even when my WIPs are feeling dead-in-the-water. Then I started this series, 'Confessions of a Pastor's Wife'. I started writing this series because I wanted people to know that just because someone is a pastor's wife, and a committed Christian, doesn't mean they don't struggle. I have questions about God just as much as the next person. I read the Bible, I know what it says but when God says, 'now go live that' flesh rebels. A lot.

I'm thrown up against my 'humaness' time and time again. It's frustrating, painful and exhausting. In these moments of 'humaness' I make mistakes. Lots of them. I say things without thinking, write things without really seeing how people will read it and have had it all come back to bite me in the...behind. I've learned some tough lessons and had to eat humble pie like a big girl. Not fun.

But God knows me. Boy, does He ever! I think sometimes He lets me make a few mistakes to keep me humble. He knows that if I got it right all the time, my pride would kick in and I'd lose sight of what His plan was. I'd become a cliché––a perfect pastor's wife––shellacked from head to toe, too concerned with being fake shiny rather than letting God shine through me.

So, thanks, God! Thanks for continually cracking off any layers of shellac I try to put on. Thanks for reminding me how to be humble. Thanks for continually working on me to be a better follower of you.