Wednesday, 25 July 2012

Confessions of a Pastor's Wife: Confession #10

Confession #10: It's Time to be Broken

I have a problem. It's a big problem. I feel too much. I can't watch certain movies or read certain books because I become totally immersed in the things I watch and read, especially read. I don't read a book as a reader, I read it as the characters. I become each character. I put myself in their world and do their actions and say their dialogue. Does anyone else have this problem?

The kinds of books I have to stay away from are: ones with any kind of abuse; have anything to do with the Holocaust; have terrible tragedies ... the list continues. I like books that are light-hearted or feel-good driven. They are safe. All I feel is happy and fuzzy when I read those books.  I can also read about things that are not real, stuff that is fantasy-based. It's not real so it can't happen to me or someone I love and know. Safe.

How many of you have noticed that the world is not safe? No one is safe, really. Any one of us can die at any second. The world doesn't get safer if I put my head in the sand and only allow good things to surround me. In fact, I think it gets a little worse when I do that. Because I'm ignoring the evil rather than being a light standing in the midst of the darkness.

All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing. ~Edward Burke
So then why do I do nothing? Because I feel it too much. It hurts too much. This is wrong. I should feel it. I should hurt. I should be broken over all the evil in the world. Brokeness spurs action. Jesus said, "GO into the world." I can't do that if I'm ignoring the world.

Heavy on my heart is the issue of human trafficking. This is a horrible, evil, massive problem that is in the world today. A good friend of mine, Vanessa, went to Thailand last year with a team of women from her church. They went into the darkness and loved the prostitutes. They talked to them, threw them a party, treated them like gold, looked them in their eyes and made sure they knew there was a way out if they wanted it. I admire her for doing that. She sent email updates that I received and read. She was broken. Every email I read I could feel her brokeness and I was broken, too. It was recommended to the team that they get counselling when they came home so they could learn how to deal with their experience. How many of us would take a vacation to do that? I think I mentioned that it was my friend, not me, who went on this trip. Enough said.

The more you know about the evil in the world, the harder it is to do nothing. But you have to be willing to be broken. You have to be willing to feel the pain of others and then DOING something about it. We have to become like Christ, as he hung on the cross and bore and FELT the full weight of our sin and then gave himself to save us. I think being a Christian is supposed to be hard. Really hard. I think I'm finally coming to the realization of how hard it should be and I am nowhere near it. This isn't the safe Christianity we so often model in our safe part of the world—clapping our hands to worship music and going to Swiss Chalet after. This is scary stuff. This is a faith like no other. It is taking a willing step into the darkness, letting your light shine and believing God is going to show up. It's breaking yourself and sharing the pieces with those around you, letting them take the pieces with no expectations that they will return them back to you.

While they were eating, Jesus took bread, and when he had given thanks, he broke it and gave it to his disciples, saying, "Take it; this is my body." Mark 14:22 (NIV).

If there is ever a time when we need to be broken, it's now. It's now because there are women and children being stolen, sold and traded for sex. It's now because people are starving and dying from lack of clean water. It's now because you can get shot while going to a movie. It's now because there are earthquakes and floods and people lose their homes and lose their loved ones and lose their hope. It's now because all around us this world is already broken and we need to break along with it so we can do our part to help heal it.

Break me, Lord.